TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
