mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
