She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
