new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
