You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
