is your mom at the bar?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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