literally had 100 drinks last night.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
