Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
