Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
