Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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