people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
