So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
