I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
