You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
