I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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