Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
