rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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