I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
