Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
