To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
