he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
