YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
