i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We have started to decorate penises.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
