i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
