so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
