First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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