I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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