The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
