They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sext me about skeletons
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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