And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
