the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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