Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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