Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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