I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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