I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
