i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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