pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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