If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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