i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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