the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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