my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
