I will die if light touches me.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
