You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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