I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
