apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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