I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
