I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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