hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
