my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
