A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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